Friday, February 17, 2012
picky eater
i've heard about 4,000 times that toddlers can go through these stages of picky eating where they'll only eat 1 or 2 things over and over. all day long. and that they grow out of it. well avery is doing that right now, and it's not that i don't think she'll grow out of it, but it really bothers me still, more than it should I assume because it repeatedly can bring me to tears if she doesn't eat her dinner. i want her to eat what i eat, and she won't. she won't try new things that she's not familiar with, and she used to! when she was 1, her diet was more diverse. but anymore, for reasons that are both inside and outside of my control, she's come to this point. i'll try to get her to eat something else, but then i'll have to resort back to the 1 or 2 things just to get her to eat SOMETHING. i know myself..and i'll find a way to feel guilty about just about anything. but this is way worse. is it because i wasn't able to breastfeed her? did i not introduce her to enough diverse foods when she was a baby? did i not enforce stricter eating habits that sunk in with her? and also, i really feel like i wouldn't care so much if my girl was a normal sized 2 year old. which she is not. she is the size of a normal sized 1 year old. this all started when she was about 6-7 months old. she got a bout of diarrhea that lasted for 5-6 weeks. repeated calls to the doctor, and after we had a regular cardiology appointment for her heart murmur, and he asked us the question of why she had hardly put on weight since he saw her last, led to a "come to jesus" meeting with the pediatrician again. who sent us to the ER for tests finally. every test didn't find anything wrong. they changed her formula, put her on the most expensive kind on the market speculating that she might have an intolerance to proteins, or had developed an allergy to something in the formula she was on. they also put her on a probiotic. it worked like a light switch. literally. within an hour the constant diarrhea was over with. so we kept her on this special formula for a couple of months, before switching her back to a regular, organic formula. i had assumed, as anyone would, that the diarrhea she had been experiencing was directly responsible for her lack of weight gain. so i assumed when we got that problem fixed, she'd catch up. but she never has. they even threw a scary Noonan syndrome speculation our way that we could have genetics testing done on her to find out if she had it and labeled her as "failure to thrive", which you don't know how much i hate labels. so now..she's 2. she's has a growth curve that looks identical to every other kid her age, she's just way below where they are. i know she's healthy, i know everything is okay, and having a small child is not a huge deal, but i just get so tired of people looking at me shocked when they ask how old she is and hear my answer. it's tempting to lie about it and say she's only 1 just to avoid the looks of shock. i'm super sensitive about this anymore, thinking, for reasons mentioned previously, that i somehow contributed to my tiny little peanut being so tiny. i've been reminded that babies on my husbands side of the family have been small before so some of it might be genetics. the big difference there though is that they were all small babies from birth. some born pre-term. but not my girl. a full beautiful 7 lbs. 12 oz baby girl born 3 days after I was due with her. certainly not small at birth. a good sized baby with perfect skin color. i also hear "well arica, you're petite, so she's like you.". but...at her age, i was a normal size. i was much bigger than her at this age. avery, truthfully, never ate as much as she should have i guess when compared with others. getting her to take the right amounts of formula (per the pediatric sheets i got from the doctor and the book) was always a struggle, or it just didn't happen. if she was supposed to have 6 ozs., you'd maybe get her to have 3-4 if you were lucky. and when we changed her formula, she didn't like it. so it was even harder for a while. all of this into consideration, of course it just seems that my kid is just not a particularly hungry kid, never has been, may never be. but in this critical time for her growth and development, when she's so small anyway, the thought of her not eating really beats me up. she HAS to eat because she HAS to grow. she has so much growing yet to do! my mommy guilt will never end. i think it's worse although i know we all have it. maybe the whole tummy issue when she was a baby really messed me up psychologically. i'm a freak about her eating and her size-i just obsess over it. and i just hate and dread people asking me how old she is for the looks i'll get and the explanation i'll have to provide. it makes me feel like a terrible mother, which i'm really sensitive about anyway, although i know deep down that how much I love her proves that i am not a bad mom. that not much of this, if any of it, i could've prevented, and that i do the best i can. and that if all she's ever going to be is small..that i'm extremely lucky. it's amazing to me how much more i care about her than i do myself.
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Oh, sweet mamma. Your wee peanut may be a picky eater, but she is far from failing to thrive. She is head strong and beautiful. So she is a small petite one and not a gi-normous Michelin babe - she is still absolutely gorgeous. She will eat - and all you can do is keep trying, and eating for yourself. You set the example, she will follow...eventually ;). I know for a fact you love her, saw it this weekend. I would tell you not to worry, but that would make me a hypocrite. That's what mom's do and your a wonderful mom for it. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWhere to begin...Derek and Chelsea were full term 6# 13oz and 7# 1 oz respectively. However, Derek was small until high school and grew like crazy after high school. I don't think Chelsea hit 15 pounds until she was two years old it seemed - she was little to be sure. I know doctors have their charts to follow and they are good guides, until they lead parents to be overly concerned that their precious little ones are falling behind. And when they use terms like "failure to thrive", I want to throw terms back at them like "bullshit". That day we were all in the ER with Avery, was frightening and I hate that you and Derek had to go through it. But, I know that you both watch over Avery and her care, health and welfare are paramount - you should not beat yourself up one bit. Yes, some children are more choosy about what they want to eat - not to worry because it won't be the last time. My kids' taste buds changed a couple of times as they went through childhood and puberty and their favorite foods changed too. I've said it before - I'm a firm believer in "supply and demand". Humans, like other mammals, like to graze and grazing is much better for us. We should eat when we are hungry and stop when we are full. Derek and Chelsea could eat all day long if they wanted to at Avery's age. I always had foods available to them at a moments notice or that I could at least whip up quickly and tried to keep stuff where they could get to it and feel empowered - finger foods like parboiled fresh carrots soft and cut to size, apples, celery pieces, oatmeal raisin cookies, granola, yogurt, etc. Every child develops at different paces too with regard to taste buds, teeth, jaw bones, finger dexterity, eye sight, sense of smell - I could go on. So, not every child is going to accept the same foods at the same times. Parents get to know their children, and no one knows their children better than a parent, and yes, we do help guide them, but that doesn't mean a child will want to necessarily want to sit down to 3 squares a day. And when it comes down to it...getting them to eat and eat well is more important than sitting down at the table to eat. There will be plenty of time for that later. You are doing a great job mama - and Avery will develop taste for more and more foods sooner than you know. You are not a terrible mom and as for people asking how old Avery is and giving the "looks" - stop worrying about what other people may think. Avery is fine and she will grow at the pace she was meant to. She has you to wrap your arms around her everyday - I would say she is a very lucky little girl!
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